Random Thoughts

It's not the fact that I exagerate when I like someone, and start being sweet and charming to enter her graces that bothers me. It's the fact that I risk being taken advantage of that doesn't give me peace.  I know I overreact sometimes and overwhelm her, but it's the only way I know how to express my feelings. I  am  often told that  I have to search for that middle ground, that state of  equilibrium between being nice and a total asshole, but it's not that easy as it might seem. On one hand, being nice and thoughtful might give her the feeling that i'm desperate and she'll grow tired of my romanticism and sweet bullshit and she'll stop respecting me for that.On the other hand, if I am distant and cold, she'll live under the impression that I don't like her.

As you can see, I'm in a bit of a pickle here. It's hard to go blind in the quest of making a girl like you, especially if you don't know much about her. But the only aspect that has to be taken into consideration is the following: is she worth the trouble? Sometimes I wonder myself if I'm doing all of this for nothing. I fool myself that what i feel for her without asking for nothing in return is enough for me.  But it's not, not by a long shot.

I sometimes fall asleep thinking of new ways to conquer her, but the only things that I come up with are the things I've already done, and of which she grew tired of. I sense that in her. Girls want to be put on a pedestal, yes, but they also need to know that you're a strong person, a person that will not bend his principles for nothing, a person who will not beg for anything in his life.

I really don't know why I'm like that, why I try so hard. I guess I'm too passionate about the things that I love. I'm probably to scarred of the dissapointment caused by not getting what I want,  even if it sounds like I consider women objects. But I don't! I absolutely love them. I think they are all beautiful in their own way and that they all deserve to be happy. I'm willing to even sacrifice my own happiness for theirs without a second thought. But it's hard as hell to make them realise what they mean to me, to see me for who I am, to accept me with my crazy and my thoughtfulness.

I must probably accept that I will never understand women, and probably nobody will, even if there are a few that claim they did. It's all bullshit. You can't understand something that doesn't want to be understood, for which it's only goal is to be mysterious. They all want to be loved but they make it hard as fuck to love them. They put us through all these hoops and trials too se if we're worth it until we start to wonder if they are really worth it. But they are. Being loved by a woman is the most inspiring feeling tht you can have. It changes you, it makes you feel important and appreciated, it takes your heart to hights that you weren't aware they exist.

You are worth it, I hope you know that, but please, stop making it so hard on me.